I've been in a lot of packed theaters over the years. Midnight screenings where people dressed as hobbits spilled into the aisles, opening nights where the energy in the room felt like a rock concert, even one memorable screening of a horror movie where a guy in the front row screamed so loud the projectionist paused the film. But I have never, in all my years of sitting in dark rooms watching other people's stories, experienced anything close to what apparently went down at a Spider-Man: Brand New Day screening in Cartagena, Colombia.

According to a report from MSN, a packed theater had to be evacuated because someone in the audience was farting so relentlessly and so aggressively that the entire room became uninhabitable. Not a fire alarm. Not a projector malfunction. Not even the classic "someone pulled the fire alarm as a prank" situation. One person's digestive system took out a whole screening.

The report says it was "nonstop." Not a one-off incident you could awkwardly power through, not a single noise that makes the whole theater groan and then move on. It just kept going. An unrelenting assault that eventually broke the collective will of every paying customer in that room. At some point you almost have to respect the commitment, or at least the sheer biological output.

I don't really know what else to say about this. Jess Wingo texted me the link this morning and I've been staring at it for twenty minutes trying to figure out if there's a deeper angle here. There isn't. Sometimes the news is just funny. Sometimes a story is exactly what the headline says it is. Someone farted so hard a movie theater was cleared out.

If you're heading out to see Brand New Day this week, maybe skip the concession stand nachos. Just in case.